San Diego Diet (episode)
"San Diego Diet" is the first episode of Season One of "Kroll Show" and the first episode in the series overall. It originally premiered on January 16th, 2013, on Comedy Central. Plot Nick Kroll gives a mixtape to his girlfriend, who is departing for college. She cries at the recording of his voice, in which he tells her not to put on too much weight, a.k.a., "the freshman 15," to put a Van Gogh poster up on her wall, but not to get "anorexic and crazy." She cries out of love for him. Nick Kroll then discusses differences in beauty standards for the male and female sexes. Liz B and Liz G are introduced meeting with Jason Richards, founder of the Canine Cancer Institute. Liz G brings up how much she loves dogs, and Liz B mentions her new rescue bulldog, Brad, whom she found in a dumpster. Liz G suggests creating the fundraiser "Pirate Girl Rum Presents: A Rocking Beach Bash to Benefit Cupcakes for Canine Cancer." "Sex & the City for Dudes" involves a group of male friends interacting in a parody of Sex & the City and the lives of 30-40 year old males. "Ref Jeff" referees a basketball game between the Oakland Raiders and the San Diego Toreros, sponsored by The San Diego Diet. Jeff frequently harasses the players, attempting to "lock down plans" with them, despite their apparent discomfort. Liz G is frustrated that she is constantly working to find cupcakes for the upcoming fundraiser, while Liz B is off getting animal plastic surgery for Brad from Dr. Armond, who tells Liz B about his invention, the "Sharpay," that is the only pen capable of writing on dog fur. Cassandra informs Liz G that there is a problem with the cupcakes. Liz G breaks down and snaps at Cassandra, before revealing that the reason she is being so emotional is because she's on the San Diego Diet. A paid advertisement for The San Diego Diet is shown, in which testimonies from people such as Shannon R. and David D are shown, while the host describes how he improved his body by going to San Diego "in my mind." Another skit showing Nick's girlfriend listening to his mixtape plays. Another "Sex in the City for Dudes" sketch occurs. The first episode of "Wheels, Ontario" starts. In it, Mikey and his mother pull up to Mikey's new high school. Mikey's mother reminds him to "tuck in his blouse," to which he responds that unlike in Saskatoon, where they come from, kids in Toronto don't tuck in their blouses. Mikey's mother warns him not to try too hard to fit in, as she became pregnant with him in Grade 13 as a result of peer pressure. Mikey then reminds her that Canadian healthcare pays for abortion. Mikey's mother then gives him a loonie to buy a bag of milk. Once inside, Mikey tries to drop his loonie in a jar for Victoria Day, but then two other boys, Connor and François take it from him. They call him "Legs" and mock him in French, hitting his calf and making him fall. While Mikey wishes he were back in Saskatoon, a girl pulls up in a wheelchair and helps him to his feet. She assures him that not everyone in Ontario is like the other boys, and introduces herself as "Francesca," or"Tunes" Tunes suggests that Mikey try out for whurling, as a means of earning the respect of his fellow students. Mikey then heads to a history class, where Coach-Teacher has recently finished a lecture on the founder of Canadian electricity. He then chastises Mikey for being tardy, before mentioning an upcoming school dance. Mikey catches the eye of a pretty female classmate, right before Coach Teacher introduces the class to Inuit Andy, a First Nations teen from Yellowknife. After class, Mikey sees a broom in a hallway closet. The pretty student from before rolls up to him, and introduces herself as "Bhaghwati." She forcefully kisses him, which Tunes witnesses sadly, The "Sex & The City for Dudes" group discusses the San Diego Diet. Liz G is stressing out about the fundraiser, and Liz B finally returns. Liz and Liz have a fight, over Liz B "trying to have a life" and Liz G "living to work." Back on "Wheels, Ontario," Mikey and Bhaghwati break their kiss, which she explains was initiated as a common practice for her before she smokes her "cannabis cigarette." Mikey then goes to whurling tryouts, but does not have any wheelchair to play in, much less a broom. Connor and François mock him, but Tunes shows up with a broom for Mikey, for which he thanks her for being "such a good friend," which makes her sad, as she had wanted to be more than friends with Mikey. Mikey excels at whurling, and Coach Teacher makes him team captain. Mikey returns to his locker, but finds the words "Dodo Bird!" sprayed on his locker. He laments his situation, but reckons that "things could be worse," to which Tunes replies that he is right, as she is pregnant. Liz & Liz attend their fundraiser. Liz B is taking pictures, while Liz G reprimands her for that, saying that there is still work to be done. Cassandra announces that the cupcakes have arrived, to the relief and joy of both Liz's. The cupcakes have bikinis on them, to the dismay of Jason Richards, who wished for the event to be tasteful. Brad shows up, completely transformed into a terrior, and both Liz and Liz are pleased. Jason Richards looks on, later remarking that the event cost $20,000 and brought in $4,000, making him feel foolish for choosing PubLIZity to plan it. Appearances Liz G Liz B Dr. Armond Cassandra Mikey Tunes Coach Teacher Shannon San Diego Diet Guy Ref Jeff Inuit Andy Running Gags San Diego Diet